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paynesgrey_ficsTitle: See Me
Author: paynesgrey
Characters: Twelfth Doctor, Clara Oswald
Word Count: 458
Warnings: None
Rating: All Ages/G
Notes: Introspection during the end of "Deep Breath". Written for the "eyes" prompt at
who_contest .Links: AO3 | FFnet | Teaspoon | Tumblr
Summary: He was worried that she didn't truly see him and would leave.
Maybe it was the way she looked at him. Horrified, confused, and grief-stricken that her Doctor had changed into someone else.
She was rattled - he could tell - and it hit his hearts like the sharpest of daggers. Surely Clara should know, more than anyone else in the universe, he was still the same Doctor inside, that very little of him had changed in the regeneration cycle?
Her big eyes of fright startled him, and he began to worry that she’d leave him when he’d needed her most. Didn’t she know how scared he was? He didn’t fully know who he was anymore. He was supposed to die at Trenzalore. He’d accepted the notion, even though it had taken him several decades to agree with the idea. He was old. He was tired, and he couldn’t fight any longer. He didn’t have any regenerations left.
Then, she had saved him. She had pleaded for him and the Time Lords had granted her emotional request.
He wasn’t supposed to be alive, and yet he was, and her current behavior only added to the distress. She looked at him as she didn’t see him anymore. She’d been right in front of him when he’d changed, and she still didn’t see him.
It will take her some time, he thought. Though it was very possible she could leave him at this point. He knew there was one last chance to plead with her, to get her to stay with him and help him through this transition.
When she exited the TARDIS his stomach turned. He felt sick.
Then as Clara got the phone call, he watched her with hope. He’d never hoped so much in all his lives that he wondered if he’d been empty of that too. Did the Time Lords regenerate his hope, his compassion and love as well?
He took a breath. A deep breath as he saw her nod once. She turned to him, looking hesitantly. The phone call didn’t completely convince her. Now she had to convince herself. He stared into those big eyes, and her gaze was so intense he had to look away.
When she embraced him, he wasn’t ready for it. He wondered if there should have been an instinct buried within him to rejoice with her. To spin her happily, laugh with exuberance and madly spirit her away in the TARDIS.
But he didn’t.
He was shaking as she held him close. He’d have to get used to this feeling again. It was hidden away and buried, but her touch felt so new even though he knew it shouldn’t. Yet the Doctor was relieved. Clara was staying, and he would prove to her that she had made the right choice by his side.
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Date: 2017-08-29 05:17 am (UTC)*HUGS*
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Date: 2017-08-29 02:48 pm (UTC)