Love in the Air, "Footnotes, ch 10 - Temporary Embrace" rated E

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Fandom: Love in the Air (Thai BL Series)
Title: Footnotes
Chapter Title: Temporary Embrace
Word Count: 841
Characters/Pairings: Phayu, Rain, Sky, Prapai, Phayu/Rain, Prapai/Sky, background characters
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Past trauma and abuse, sexual content
Spoilers: Up to episode 8. 
Notes: Written for the "spoon" prompt for fan_flashworks. These are non-sequential missing scenes from the show. All small stories are collected here in Footnotes on AO3.

Summary: Sky won't allow his feelings to grow, even as this stranger holds him tightly.

Sky won’t allow his feelings to grow, even as this stranger holds him tightly, he cannot allow himself to fall for him.

Sky was sleepy, forcing himself to stay awake after all the exertion. He took a moment of rest after their last round, lightly closing his eyes to center himself while the other man next to him caught his breath. He turned toward his partner for the night, lightly sleeping with a peaceful expression.

The man he just slept with grinned in his sleep, a self-satisfying smirk that seemed to be natural to his demeanor. Dangerous and handsome even while asleep. Sky shuddered, feeling apprehension about possibly falling for this man. 

There was no way a man like him would ever truly love him or want to be with him.  

Sky studied the man’s face for a moment, but he refused to get caught up in his own thoughts. He wouldn’t think of this man as someone who genuinely cared for him or anyone. He wouldn’t let himself get caught in that trap.

He snapped his head away and turned to lay on his side, staring at the other side of the wall in that bedroom. He pushed back tears that threatened to overcome him, and he hardened himself to be angry inside.

Maybe he shouldn’t let himself feel anything at all.

It was just pure sex and that was it. Sky dared not define it as anything more. They had gone many rounds, and he let the man take him and his body for as long as he was satisfied.

The man shifted next to him, and soon he was pulling Sky against his chest, his crotch grinding against his ass as he hummed contentedly against his skin. Sky shivered a little, refusing to let this tender embrace penetrate his heart. 

So many times, Sky wished he could have pure love, with one person to adore him and treasure him as something precious. To hold him at night to keep his demons at bay.

Instead, he had to fight the demons alone in his cold bed, with no one to encase him in warmth, no one to soothe him when he woke up sobbing from the haunting residue of his memories. He had to wrap himself in his own fluffy blankets, and he could only dream of impossible kisses against his skin and whispers against the shell of his ear that he was safe, that everything was going to be fine.

The man that spooned him now was nothing more than a facsimile of that dream, a trial version that would expire the moment Sky left this bed. 

The feeling was transitory, and Sky wanted more than anything to get lost in it. But he didn’t know this man, and his initial intentions had defined the man enough. He only wanted Sky for sex, just like all those other assholes before him.

Sky felt an ache in the pit of his stomach at this realization. He may have been desirable, but he ultimately felt unlovable. Did he even deserve the kind of happiness that other couples had? Would he someday find a lover that wouldn’t use him as some sort of toy, something to use over and over again until he frayed like a tattered shirt, only to get bored of him and throw him away? He shut his eyes tightly, blocking out his thoughts that descended into despair.

The man behind him hugged him tighter, and he felt hot kisses on his skin. Sky felt a hard pressure on his ass, and the more the stranger hugged him, the more he had to steel his nerves to the feelings that threaten to bloom inside him. 

This was nothing. This man was nothing, he told himself over and over again. 

He choked back a sob that threaten to expose him as more fragile than he presented himself. He didn’t want this stranger to find out Sky was nothing more than a fraud. He closed himself off and told himself to go numb, to force his heart and mind to leave his body. It was the only way he could remain safe. 

The stranger stirred awake, and he shifted Sky onto his back. Sky glared at him as he met the man’s eyes, eager for another round. He leaned up and met the man’s lips, hoping a kiss would distract him from seeing Sky’s true nature. 

He couldn’t know how much Sky was hurting. He couldn’t know that Sky had feelings like any other person. He would let him have his way with Sky, and soon, Sky yearned to leave, to hole himself up in his own sacred space and cry. To let the feelings run wild so he could heal again.

He had to get through this and pour all of himself into this night for a stranger so he could be free. And just like all of the other times, he’d get through it.

Sky would eventually heal from this new swarth of demons; he was an expert on it after all. 

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